Day

Today went swimming.  I tanned which does suck since I'm already dark and would prefer to be light skinned.  But while at the pool something funny happened there was a sterotype..so in between laps I quiltily watched and listened. 

reboots

They have rebooted Thundercats...and yes I did watch it with this strange feeling of sadness. At least the twins are still there..yay.

Anyway nothing much is happening, watched the show "What Would You Do?" and found myself appalled with the episode on basically drugging the male date and the female abusing the male. It was so wrong.

Day

Was going to see the animated tekken movie released one night only..but freak storm and power outtages kept me in.  I am caught up on true blood and wth sookie is a fairy.....

Day

Surprise today I'm seeing the night showing of cap america.  Spent the day lounging in my room watching law and order.  Then friend called, so off I go I nearly died today....it was freaking scary.  So yeah life altering moment no....just puked guts out instead.  N and mom want me to take preg test.  This sick feeling is familar to them.   Other than that off to see cap n finish true blood. 

Day

Today I hadn't planned on really doing anything but my friend H called.  He and J were going to 5guys and asked if I wanted in.  I agreed and off we went in my camaro...you can sit people in the backseat.  The food was good and our conversations were on hookers and then the cosplayers who entered the store to hooker cosplayers...what?  Afterwards it was to H's house and watching netflix...we came across trick r treat...four stories that weren't scary but dissapointing...then home to see bridezillas....yay. 

Day

Today was fun, me and my brother went to a cookout with some of the camaro5 members.  We talked about our cars and joked how some of us washed our cars on Friday then encountered the rain.  Others had washed their cars that morning. Then the rain came again...I had fun.  Seeing friends again that you never knew you'd ever have simply because of a car.  Its amazing plus I'm not the only one creating a decepticon camaro.

Woot waspinator.

Day 13/14/15

Can't get rid of the nausea feeling. Morning and night just want to puke, haven't so am happy. Anywho today was interesting, originally we were just going to go out and eat then go our separate ways. Only my friend M, decided she was fine with catching a showing of Captain America, so we scrambled to the theater found some seats together and watched. It was AWESOME!!! I am going to watch it again, I do feel guilty since I was under the impression we weren't going and decided last minute since M had somewhere to be later on, I was unable to contact him.

Washed my car since she was a mess after the whole freak rains we've been having and it rained today...sigh. She was clean for awhile now have to wash her all over again.

I spent Wednesday and Thursday watching True Blood season 1-2, I must admit I do find it to be interesting, I don't care for the main two characters but I do enjoy the side characters, they are hilarious especially Eric, Sam and Jason. they are my favorites so far. I'll see season 3 soon, and know supernatural has tainted me, while I'm watching True Blood I keep thinking what would Dean do, and then agree with my friend N, there is something there between Dean and Cass. It's there...she didn't believe it and I never brought it up till after she watched all 6 seasons. but it's there, and something has to be done with it..argh.

Day 12/13

I was away from my phone today. Just decided to spend my day w my brother when around 1:30is am I decide to check my calls.  "He who shall not be named" texted me.  Its to late to text back or seek advice so I'm left with the omg what do I do.  I'll seek counsel on this but am unsure how to respond correctly.  I wish to maintain my friendship so this is crucial..and I can't ignore it. 

So how do I respond back w/o sounding angry/bitter/uncaring/desperate ...etc the need to puke has returned.  What do I do?

Also....those break up songs on the radio suck...I love u gloria gaynor u have reminded me that I can and will make it tomorrow ill feel like crap getting there n on ocassion look it but this is not the end.  There is a tomorrow its just taking its sweet ass time getting here. 

Day 12

today was a laid back day after gym, added more exercises. woot. So this was something kol, I was watching HK season 8, and at episode 2 I wondered how awesome it would be to see Ramsey on Iron Chief. Not much just relaxing.

Day 9,10.11

Alright it's Day 11, I missed day 9 and 10. I saw the newest Harry Potter movie and was actually quite happy about it. I enjoyed the whole Snape scene, he has been my favorite character. Going to the gym is great, it makes me feel better and it's beneficial. Yay!

I've been doing better, which is good, thank god for friends. I've been hanging out with them and speaking to them on the phone, it helps keeps me sane. The more I talk to them the more freely they talk about "he who wont be named" and the more realizations they share with me. Why they didn't tell me this before is a surprise to me, but now it makes me wonder what else I was blind too..man.

I need to wash my car but am terrified to, because of the tinting. once Wednesday rolls around she'll get a wash and all the TLC I've been denying her in fear of the tinting. I did get my nails done Saturday, yellow and black like my car. I love the nail girl, she's better than a shrink. then had my eyebrows waxed, when you've had metal in your legs to keep your bones together pain feels different, I was barely fazed by the waxing, the lady was impressed, she was nice, quiet but alright. Now to decide if I'm going to get that blond chuck dyed in my hair...no idea yet. Still so excited for my friends wedding, he called me today to see how I was doing. Told him better I'm not crying still feeling nauseous but hopefully that will pass.

I hate this feeling of needing to throw up, I'm not really eating anymore, just when I'm with someone, other than that, I'm not hungry all. this sucks, 11 years and I have no idea what the hell just happened. sigh...

But i think after this school year I'm going to start applying to different jobs some outta state, I want to travel, do things for me and not feel so freaked out that anywhere I go I might run into "he who shall not be named"

But i have deadlines and a portfolio to redo, and thank god a supportive family and group of friends who will simply put up with me.

taking it day by day and realizing Gloria Gaynor "I will survive" is good advice.

Day 8

I've gotten into a routine which is great. Wake up and go to the gym come home n hangout w brother or friends.  I had forgotten about haven but aparently the second season is up.  Yesturday was fun..hung out w my friend watched myst3000/rifftraxs and talked.  She is in love with car lol.  I do need to wash my car..the rain came and now she needs a wash.  But at least tomorrow she's getting tinted.  Yay.

Still miss him.  But at least I'm not crying spent the first 2 days doing that.  It wasn't the nice crying but the loud snot soon the tears are gone and your just trying to breath. 

Day 7

It is another day.  Went to proff development it was life drawing, have a new idea on how to teach the subject w the kids.  My legs hurt...gym is fun. Working out is a great way to relieve stress.  I played heavy rain yesturday, argh...but my friend now understands the whole car appreciation thing.  Woot camaro.

I miss him.

Day 6

Okay. Been working out, hanging out with friends and keeping myself busy.  That should be good, right?

Been taking it day by day...found myself watching transformers prime before bed, stu.bled on it during channel surfing..its alright gotta say I'm liking Knock-Out. 

Day 5

Feels better than day 1 and 2. I cried those two days, so far I haven't.  I feel like i lost my best friend and the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  Just take it day by day and know it gets easier...I hope.  On an un related note, it seems in the magazines mustangs cheat when their compared to the other cars (camaro,challenger) its always suped up in comparison to the stock models its against.  Go figure.   

What am I supposed to do aside from workout and hangout with friends and keep myself busy and work on myself.  At least I ate today...I couldn't keep anything down the first couple of days.   Day by day.

Day 4 part 2

I'm hoping its normal to feel sick to the stomach...this is going to be difficult.

Day 4

This is the fourth day of the break. I slept last night so that was a plus, took awhile to finally go to sleep. Thankfully I now have projects to work on, the more free time I have the more time I have to think, which is not good. Projects are good. It get easier, and I'm waiting for that part.

Day 3

I slept tonight. Very happy about that, everyone keeps telling me the same thing and I am going to listen to it. I will take this day by day, I will keep myself busy and I will work on me, do things for myself. Today have meeting, so there is something to keep me busy. Gotta keep self busy.

Day 2 part 2

Word spread like wildfire. Thankgod for friends.  Hanging out with friends all day.  Yay. 

Day2

Didn't sleep. Drank a lot of shirley temples..they were bad lots of ice. Friends are great don't know what to do.......just gotts take it day by day and focus on self.  Yay me.

Taking a break

As of today the relationship I have been in since I was 14 is over.  11 year relationship is over.  And it hurts.